Humans are humans and dogs are dogs.

Do not expect me to understand your human societal rules. I am a dog, not your child. We do not shake paws to say hello; we smell bums. We do not sit and stay, we jump and run. Going to the bathroom is a social event. You hide to poop; we have no problem with an audience. We don’t diet; we are always hungry and will do anything for food. We can lick ourselves anywhere (you know you are jealous!). You take a bath every day; I only need a bath every other week. You ride in cars; we chase cars. You pet cats; we pounce on them. You shave your hair; dogs love their full, fluffy coats. You wear clothes; we prefer to be naked. You eat at a table with utensils and napkins; we eat out of a bowl, on the floor, and your lap becomes our napkin. You sleep on a bed; we can sleep anywhere. You worry about everything; we live in the moment. You care what others think of you; we love unconditionally.